Self Inflicted Violence

I know a thing or two about self-mutilation,
I've done it since I was 12,
can you believe it,
I was just a kid,
scratching and hurting myself,
hating myself enough to do that,
the anger and hatred I had and still have for myself,
no one understands it,
not even the others that do it,
you can't explain it,
or why you do it,
you want to stop,
but afraid to loose something you think you need,
the suicidal thoughts that come with it,
'if I just did it a little deeper, it would end'
I want to end sometimes,
but I'm too afraid of not knowing where I'd go,
I don't want others ending up like me,
its no life, like mine,
its an existence, nothing more.